13.

You have lied to her.
Now to me.
Are we going to honestly make it? Really? I wonder. Are you secure?
I didn't see you for 2 days and it felt like eternity. When you wrapped your arms around me for the first time after 2 days it felt like: home. Heaven. relief.
I just want us to work but I feel like other people and girls MAY get in the way. I dont know how you talk to her, flirt with her, or WHAT you promise to her. ANY of that. AND if you are going to hang out with her in 5 days without me, then I know its over. I know what you are doing and I know whats going on. Don't try and play me for a fool.

I know you are newly single but I want the honest truth from you about EVERYTHING. I am honest with you. I just hope this week coming up proves that you and I are together, even if it's NOT official, and you 2 ARE only "friends"...

Don't break my heart. Please. it would suck after EVERYTHING we have been thru.

<3

12.

I miss you more and more each day I have to spend away from you.
I love that we are getting closer. I love that everything is/maybe/hopefully going to work out in the end. I am waiting for the karma but I hope it's not as horrible as I am anticipating.

We'll get through it.
Like we ALWAYS say, they don't know about this HERE.
You're beautiful is more intense than I love you. Lol.
We are silly.
I love being silly with you.
I love wrestling with you.
I love fighting with you.
I love being passionate with you.
I love it all and I want it to last for as long as you and I let it.
I want to make this a fun situation and not so serious.
Don't be like the rest.
I know everyone has their opinons but WHO? Cares. Lol.

I love you essay.

<3

11.

She found out.
I care BUT I don't.
I know she is hurt.
I want her to understand it was never meant to hurt her.
One day maybe she"ll thank me for taking you away from her.
I love you more anyways.
Everyone will see how much chemistry we have together.
They don't know about this HERE.
You know it boo.
Let's hope it stays that way.

<3

10.

I had SO much fun with you last night.
I love your new place.
I love that we can be loud, yell, and fight IF we wanted to..
We kind of did last night but it was out of fun.
And Passion. Which I love about you ALL the time.
You feel this way for me, for a reason. And the same goes for me.
I love nights like that with you.
I want more.
I want to believe what you say. BUT it's hard.
Make me believe you.
Try harder.
Love me.
I am not desperate. I just want to be told the truth.

Ugh.

<3

9.

I feel like it's ALL a lie.
I don't know what to believe anymore.
I need to let you go for good. This is getting too complicated and I don't want ANYONE to find out about us. It seems like it may be getting to that point. Or you are going to go back to her sooner than later.
Therapy?
Couples Therapy?
You moved out, yet you STILL feel weird not wearing your ring... I don't get it.

Save me?

<3

8.

This song reminds me of you.


I can feel your fingers when I close my eyes
Take your poison, look inside
I fall into dreaming
I've been waiting for your touch to bring me home
Sleeping, death will come and leave me out of the sunlight

Shadows pulling me along with you
When the moonlight sings
The darkness brings me back to die with you
I've given all my life to be with you
My heart is waiting and breaking to return to burn with you tonight

Hating all I am when lying by your side
Taking everything of me
Do people mean nothing?

I hold secrets only dreaming eyes can see
Night time sent you

Shadows pulling me along with you
When the moonlight sings
The darkness brings me back to die with you
I've given all my life to be with you
My heart is waiting and breaking to return to burn with you tonight

Lay down your night
Holy for you

Forsake the night
All I see is you

For every night
Live just to die for you

Shadows pulling me along with you
When the moonlight sings
The darkness brings me back to die with you
I've given all my life to be with you
My heart is waiting and breaking to return to burn with you tonight

It makes me think of how much I am in a CONSTANT battle with myself and you.

<3

7.

You come to see me and you are wearing it.
You said you took it off for a reason. Me.
You saw me look at it. You knew what you did wrong.
I just dont know about you anymore. BUT did I ever know you?

Fuck.

Whatever. Guess I need to stop living in this world where I think it will be perfect.

<3

6.

So here we are. In a whirlwind of emotions and not knowing what to do. I didn't talk to you for about 9 hours yesterday which is rare for us. I did however talk to her. She told me things out of venting which in turn made me realize you are a liar. I wondered if you were feeding her bullshit as well as you were feeding me bullshit. Why is it SO hard to be honest? I am honest with you as much as I can be. Sometimes it's hard cause everything I say or do hurts your feelings. It's unfair. I just want the truth and sometimes I feel like you sugarcoat everything because you know I have been hurt many times before. I knew what I was getting myself into when we started this. So, do me a favor, don't do me ANY favors.

I am laying in my bed right now wanting to call you and text you while you are at work. I KNOW you are thinking of me too, but I know you are thinking of her more. That's why I had to tell you exactly how I felt last night. I had to make the right choice and not talking to you until you figure out you was probably the best choice I have made in about 3 months. I know it will hurt but I feel like I am in the way. Of everything. YOUR chocies. YOUR moves. I need to do me while you do you. I know you will get to a place where you are happy and I hope you call me when you do. Even if it's back with her. I just want my heart to be ok just like I want YOURS to be ok as well.

I wont forget you. Or this. Or how we felt everytime we were together. The passion. The laughs. The fighting. Lol. We arent a couple yet we fight like one. I'll miss it. I feel like this could be the end. Im gonna hold my breath for a bit but not for long. I don't wanna sink while you use my head for balance to come up for air...if that makes sense...it does to me.

I'll be thinking of you. Ill try my hardest to stay strong love.

<3

5.

God.
I.
Love.
You.

It's hard to let you go and I hope you feel the same. For real. No joke. No games. This is a big deal.

<3

4.

So.
Um.
Yeah.

I feel like I don't know what to do anymore. People tell me I should leave this alone and move on to someone with less drama. The thing is, is there is NO drama...yet. I know once people find out about you and I there will be, but it wont be for a while. I go to your pictures on Facebook and I look at how happy you both once were. I know that you are not happy and I know that once you are free you will be. With me? Alone? Who knows how you will feel once that band-aid is ripped off and things are actually set in stone. I just need to see this go down before I believe it.

Fuck. My. Life.

<3

3.

It's happeneing.
You're taking action and I dont know what to do other than run away.
IS THIS what I want?
IS THIS what I dreamt it would be like?
I love you. I miss you now and when that day comes when we speak again, I hope it's nothing but GREAT news. I want this to start but it's hard to move on when there is SO much to leave behind. On your end AND mine.
I love you ESSAY.

<3