I love...

Looking at old pictures of us together and remembering how happy we were but how much happier we are now. I just hope we stay like this and it doesnt end with me crying and wishing I never reunited with you. I hate that people say, "Once a cheater, always a cheater", I dont want to believe it. Please prove them wrong as well as ME.

I want to be able to wake up and have all of our issues thrown out the window and for us to move on... I want to be able to call you my husband one day and not regret it. I want to be able to have the most beautiful children with you and not think twice about the family I have created with you. I want to be able to be OK and not think you are out doing something wrong, lying or being unfaithful like before. I've missed you and how PASSIONATE our lives are together and I just hope this isnt a mistake. Everyone seems to think it is. Everyone seems to think it's annoying how IN LOVE we are. I never fell out of love with you. I hated trying to date other people and I hated seeing you TRY to date other people. The truth is, I will NEVER be ok without you... ever. I love you. A lot. More than I can say and even though we have been thru rough times, I want to remember the good times and make BETTER memories with you..

You have my heart... Just be careful with it and dont break it because...


Me

My status....

in a relationship.

We shall see how this goes. Lol. :)

<3

It's amazing the way I feel when I am around him.
It's amazing how when we are intimate, I am SO turned on by him.
He makes me quiver, sweat, feel butterflies and get the stupidest grin on my face when he calls, texts, or is in person. I can't help it.
After 2 years it usually fades but with him, there is nothing like it. Even after we have both tried to date other people, it still has NEVER gotten ANY better than this... I will never feel love the way I do with him.
I can't wait to see where it goes and to see if this is going to work the 2nd time around. let's hope. :)



<3

Moving on... Look no number!

I am sure no one reads this, I don't even think I have ONE follower. Lol.

Anyways, I am in a place where I am DONE with "HIM".. Essay. I have changed my number, moved on and I am now in a place where I am trying things with an old flame, more like, The Love Of My Life, again. Last year things were rough between us, he cheated, things ended badly and he hurt me beyond belief. I didn't think that there was ANY way i would EVER forgive him but I am learning to. I am trying to trust him and I am trying to put everything in the past. YES it is hard seeing as he works with his EXGF, WHO he "supposedly" broke up with to be with me, BUT I am learning to try and be a better person and understand we ALL make mistakes. Clearly I am ONE of those people who make mistakes. I have made many in my life. I have lied, cheated, stole, broken hearts and made my self vulnerable to life. I am over trying to be someone I am not. I am tired of letting my pride get in the way of happiness and getting angry for no reason. I am trying to let go and move on.

I have been hurt and deceived but I am looking forward into the future with my love. I hope it all works out this time and IF NOT, at least I wont think "what if".. Ill know, FOR SURE that he will never change. I love him and want to marry this person but sometimes its hard to trust in this world we live in.

With this person I have never felt more connected and in love than I have with him. Its hard to beleive but even before and AFTER essay, there was ALWAYS "L".. He has my heart forever regardless if we dont work out.

Ill let you know what happens. :)

<3

16.

Well, its been almost a month, give or take a few days.
He is STILL in my life, but not for the good. We talk, try and keep it cordial. he MANNED up and took his part like he was supposed to. He calls me to say hi and to ask more times than not, for me to come over and spend the night. I don't. I have said NO everytime and/or made an excuse as to why I can't and why i didnt answer my phone when he called to wonder why. He drives me insane and not in a good way. I thought this blog could have been something that him and I could look back on and enjoy. Something that we could use as a memory of how it all started. Now, it just looks like another pathetic love blog with some random screwed up girl that likes to steal girls husbands. It was NEVER my intention and it NEVER EVER will happen again. He is now "supposedly" engaged to this girl that broke us up. I wish nothing but happiness upon them but i KNOW that wont happen. He is too fucked up in his mind to have a normal stable relationship.. Shit, he calls ME still to see if I can come and keep him company. I have tried to tell her but she doesnt believe me. She said it's he said, she said bullshit. Of course she thinks that. She doesnt want to believe that HER MAN, could EVER cheat on her and want to be with anyone else. Well like "I" have learned, "You lose your man, how you gain him".. I should have listened to my close friends when they said that. Lol.

Now, I hate to always be bitter and horrible about him but its just SO amazing to me how someone in this LIFETIME can be SUCH a douchebag. I don't know how someone can go thru life and think its OK to treat people like this? I know that I FUCKED UP and ruined a lot of friendships over this but that was something that I prepared for and understood that it was something I gave up to be with him. Essay. I just didnt know it wouldnt mean as much to him as it did to me. He says his feelings HAVENT changed for me. That when he saw me for the 1st time after a few weeks, he realized that he still LOVED me? WTF? Well now you and your "out of town fiance", can be together and live happily ever after. She will be here or you will be there in 15 days.

Its all bullshit.